Hey Morris, I’m the head of my department in a hotel, and I work hard to make sure our customers have a great experience. But one of my peers, the guy who I have to work most closely with, is more interested in kissing our boss’s ass than actually doing work. I don’t feel he’s competent and he shouldn’t be in his role, but our boss, who is the General Manager, is too nice to boot him out. This schmuck also talks shit about our boss behind his back, which really pisses me off because it affects his team members, who are becoming less motivated. Because our departments are related and it’s hard for customers to tell where the responsibility of one department ends and the other one begins, I do his work for him a lot of times to keep our customers happy. Should I stop? Should I rat on him?
-Pissed Off.
Hey Pissed Off,
What it sounds like to me is that there is a big misalignment in values and responsibility expectations between the 3 of you. It sounds like you work hard to meet high standards and operate meritocratically whereas your peer and boss are more relational, and one of them is a two-faced schmuck.
It’s nearly impossible to fix a situation when there’s a big misalignment in values because the other parties can’t possibly comprehend your values in the same way that you can’t comprehend theirs. Getting people to change is hard, so you need a different approach.
One solution I can think of that may work for you in the short term is to have this be a learning experience for you – how do you accept and manage peers who have different values and work ethics than you. You can even go further to coach the schmuck to embrace your value system for a win-win-win situation (yes, the boss wins in this case, too). However, you need to be careful as your peer’s two-facedness could bite you and make you become the new subject of his shit-talking.
Here’s what I’d do: I’d come up with a set of things which you have done for your peer because he couldn’t (or didn’t) do them and approach your boss to say you’d like to mentor your peer in these areas that are specifically in his job scope. If he gives you the mandate, then you can use it as a way to not only teach the practical stuff but also try to reset the value system.
If your boss doesn’t react, then he’s not interested in developing your peer’s career through you right now. Unfortunately, this means that you have to make the decision whether you continue to cover for your peer (in which case you continue to be pissed off) or you stop covering for him (in which case the customer, and ultimately your boss, will get pissed off). It’s not an easy decision but if you choose to stop covering for him, then you need to make it clear to your boss the things that you used to do which you’ll no longer do because it’s not in your job scope. Give a reasonable timeline, say between 1-2 weeks to transition out, and then you need to stop covering for him and stick to the plan.
In terms of the shit-talking behind your boss’s back, the best thing to do, I’ve found, is to look at the person in the eye when they’re shit-talking, and simply say, “Stop it.” Be firm, don’t yell, repeat it if necessary, until they get the message.
So, the answers to your specific questions are: yes, you can stop covering for your peer, but you need to clearly communicate to your boss what and when you’ll stop. A better approach is to turn it into teachable moments for your peer so that he can grow with your help. Finally, in terms of ratting the schmuck out – no. Tell him to stop the shit-talking every time it happens until he gets the message. Because you’re both department heads, I don’t see the need to get the boss involved… the two of you can resolve this, with you sticking to the tactic of not wanting an explanation from him but rather, an immediate action to ‘Stop it.’
Finally, I can tell you’re passionate about what you do and making customers happy. However, sometimes passion + directness can be threatening and is often interpreted as arrogance. To avoid this, try to be constructively critical as opposed to subjectively judgmental. I suspect if nothing else, this will ease the inner tension you feel and eliminate the chance of you being labelled as a diva despite your good intentions.
Is there something on your mind?
Please send it to questions@heymorris.com and I’ll do my best to be helpful in a future post.
Hey Morris 